


Dear Diana: You Suck!

by R5h



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Diakko, F/F, Fluff, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:15:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 3,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23488942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R5h/pseuds/R5h
Summary: Sometimes, when Akko gets really mad at that stuck-up aristocrat Diana, she decides to vent by writing a letter she has no intention of sending.At least, that's why shestartedwriting them....
Relationships: Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari
Comments: 97
Kudos: 403





	1. The First Letter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Valkyrie_exe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valkyrie_exe/gifts).



Dear Diana Cavendish,

You suck!

And so does your stupid hair!

From,

_ Akko _


	2. The Second Letter

Dear Diana Cavendish,

No, seriously! You super duper totally suck a lot!

Everyone acts like you're  _ sooooo _ cool! Ooh, that Diana Cavendish, she knows a bazillion languages and also how loans work! Diana can fly faster than  _ anyone _ and casts spells like an Olde Witch, and she's so rich and pretty and her hair is great and totally not weird, and when she farts you can sell it as perfume!

Well,  _ I _ know the truth. You think you know magic, but you're just a pretentious aristocrat who doesn't know anything  _ about _ magic! If you did, you wouldn't think Shiny Chariot was lame! (She's not lame! She's the greatest!) And all that stuff people keep giving you credit for?  _ I did it! _ I saved the Pappiliodya ( _ from you! _ ), and I had the dragon situation handled before you swooped in to steal the credit, and I bet I would have won that race if I hadn't fallen off the Shooting Star!

You and your identical friends think I can't do anything, you think I don't belong at Luna Nova in the first place, but I'll show you! I'm gonna find Shiny Chariot, and become the greatest witch anyone's ever seen! And  _ then _ you'll have to admit I'm a great rival!

(And then maybe I'll be able to say all this to your face, and not just in letters I'm never gonna send.)

Yours truly,

_ Akko _


	3. The Third Letter

Dear Diana Cavendish,

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU GOT STUNG BY THE LOVE BEE

YOU WERE CRUSHING ON YOURSELF AHAHAHAHAHA

You know, I don't know how anyone actually noticed the difference! You're _always_ in love with yourself! (Zing!) And I saved you from that _too_ , so you're welcome!

…

You were crushing on me, for a little while. ~~I don't know how to feel about that~~ I know _exactly_ how to feel about that. It's even funnier than the first thing! I mean, can you _imagine_ the two of _us_ being together?

That would be the day.

LOL,

_Akko_


	4. The Fourth Letter

Dear Diana,

So I was you for a while. That was kinda weird.

I'm sorry I read your diary. You're really working hard, aren't you? Even if you're super talented already, you still try your best. And I heard your summoning magic at the festival was really cool, even if I didn't get to see it.

Even if I don't want to tell you, you're better than me. But I'm gonna keep working until we're equals.

I keep having these crazy thoughts, like... I don't know. If we'd met another way, could we have been friends?

Until next time,

_ Akko _


	5. The Fifth Letter

Dear Diana Cavendish,

DISREGARD PREVIOUS LETTER

YOU ARE BOUGIE NEOLIBERAL SCUM WHO WILL BE FIRST AGAINST THE WALL WHEN THE REVOLUTION COMES

SINCERELY,

_ COMRADE AKKO _


	6. The Sixth Letter

Dear Diana,

Okay so maybe that last one was a bit harsh. (And you’re more  _ noblesse oblige _ than neoliberal.)

But I don't  _ get _ you! I feel like I'm learning so much about myself, about everyone else, but you're a complete mystery! It's like I'm closer to finding Shiny Chariot than I am to understanding you! Why are you kind of okay sometimes, and a huge jerk the other times? Why do you love magic so much, but you can't understand how  _ I _ do?

Maybe I'll never understand. But if we're gonna be proper rivals, then I  _ want _ to.

Yours truly,

_ Akko _


	7. The Seventh Letter

Dear Diana,

I... don't know what to say.

Sorry, I guess. I never knew your aunt was so bad, or that you had to struggle with magic like me, or how much you've been dealing with. And now I'm reading these past letters and, oh jeez, I've been a huge jerk. I'm just glad you’ll never see them!

Just like you won't see this one.

But I'm sorry. And I think I understand now. And, most of all, I'm really glad I was able to help you come back to Luna Nova. You deserve a shot at your dream, same as me.

Your friend,

_ Akko _


	8. The Eighth Letter

Diana

You were right

You and Hannah and Barbara were right the whole time

I don't belong at Luna Nova

_ Akko _

PS: I found Chariot


	9. The Ninth Letter

Dear Diana,

Thank you for finding me in the snow.

Thank you for telling me about yourself and Chariot.

Thank you for helping me find Chariot again.

Thank you for helping me bring back magic, and saving the world with me, and

It's been a really long day, and I'm really tired, but there's so much more I want to say except I don't know the words, so

Thank you for everything.

_ Akko _


	10. The Tenth Letter

Dear Diana,

I sometimes wonder if I'm writing these letters just so I don't have to talk to you.

I mean, we talk all the time! We're friends now, of course we talk, it would be weird if we didn't. But I don't know how to talk about this. How I think I don't wanna be just friends anymore.

~~ It's stupid, I know, and you've got your family thing and they wouldn't want you to date and I'm focusing on trying to fly now so who has time for a relationship and are you even into girls or what ~~

Those are all dumb excuses. Since when have I let something like  _ that _ stop me? But... I don't know how to tell you. So I'm writing it here instead.

I think I love you, Diana.

Yours,

_ Akko _


	11. The Eleventh Letter

Dear Diana,

Flew today for the first time.

Best day of my life.

You were there, smiling.

Why can't I get this out of my head? Why do I keep coming up with excuses? What's wrong with me?

_ Akko _


	12. The Last Letter

Diana,

I can't deal with this anymore. If I'm gonna be too much of a coward to ask you out, then I  _ definitely _ can't look at these letters anymore. It's like evidence of how much of a loser I am. All the things I was too scared to say.

So I'm gonna take these letters, and dig a hole in the woods, and burn them and bury the ashes. And then maybe it won't ache as much.

This is my last letter to you. And you won't read it either.

Yours,

_ Akko _


	13. The Other Letters

Akko rushed through the halls of Luna Nova, the stack of envelopes clutched to her chest like a baby. Actually, that was a really bad analogy, considering what she was about to do to the letters, but whatever—the point was that she was holding on real tight, to make sure no one could see them.

Then she turned a corner, kept rushing forward, and noticed too late that Diana herself was _right there_. Before Akko could yelp a word of warning, she and Diana smashed into one another, forehead first. Papers flew everywhere.

“Akko!” Diana managed to say, in between groans of discomfort. “Are you okay?”

“I'm fine,” Akko said, blushing even through the headache. Hopefully Diana was concussed enough not to notice the blush—wait, no, that was a terrible thing to hope for! “I just—sorry—wasn't looking where I was going—”

“Neither was I,” Diana said, almost as red in the face as Akko felt. “The fault was equally mine—more so, really—”

“No, I'm the clumsy one, it was all me!” Papers were strewn all around. Akko grabbed the ones that looked like envelopes. “I just, uh, need to grab some things and I'll be out of your hair!”

“Allow me to help.” Diana, to Akko's horror, was also picking up some letters. “Actually, some of these might be mine. Could I take a look to make sure—”

As she reached a hand toward Akko's growing collection, Akko jerked back. “Well, uh, thanks! But I gotta go right now immediately, see ya!” Cheeks blazing, she jumped to her feet and took off at a sprint.

“Akko!” Diana called as Akko ran past her, but it was no use.

* * *

Within five minutes, Akko was at the edge of Arcturus Forest, letters in a pile next to her. She pointed her wand at the ground, shouted a spell, and yanked a huge clump of earth up to toss away. Another shout, and a fire was burning in the bottom of her little pit.

And then, _only then,_ as she picked up the first letter to burn it—

Did she realize that the name on the front was wrong.

Here was the thing: Akko had been careful with her letters. She'd actually made letters out of them, putting them in envelopes with Diana's name in the middle, as if she was ever going to send them.

These envelopes didn't say _Diana_ on the front. They said _Atsuko Kagari_ , or _Akko Kagari_ , or just _Akko_.

Her hand trembling, Akko took the first letter and began to read.

* * *

To Atsuko Kagari,

My mother once told me that, if I have nothing nice to say, I should say nothing at all. But she also told me that if I absolutely could not restrain myself, I should write it down in a letter and leave the letter unsent, so as to get these negative feelings out of my system.

And so, in an attempt to maintain some modicum of civility around your infuriating person, I must now write this in private:

Atsuko Kagari, you are the most laughably incompetent witch I have ever had the misfortune to encounter. Mere inability with magic I could tolerate—we all must start somewhere—but I cannot overlook your sheer _temerity_ in dismissing all of magical tradition, as if you somehow know better! Not only do you _not_ know better, but you consistently refuse to better _yourself_.

And that is not even getting into the sheer volume of nonsensical incidents you insist upon dragging me into! You crashed Andrew Hanbridge's party with a _love bee_ , of all things—do you even know they're illegal?—and tried to take on a dragon as if you thought you were Saint George! You're much closer to Don Quixote, I daresay!

But the worst part, the worst of all of this? You have the _gall_ to act as if you could ever be the equal of Chariot du Nord. How _dare_ you aspire to her heights?

Perhaps writing this on the page is enough to lend me some restraint. But if your antics continue, I fear I may be able to publish an epistolary novel before the year is out.

Beatrix, give me patience, because if you give me strength there's a good chance Atsuko Kagari will end up defenestrated.

_Diana Cavendish_

* * *

Dear Atsuko Kagari,

I admit my last letter may have been something of an overreaction.

To be clear, you are still an almighty nuisance, and your stint with my face has not helped your case. But as I write this letter, in the aftermath of a most unusual Samhain, I find myself forced to eat at least a few of my words.

Your show was more impressive than my own. I can admit that freely on the page, even if I know you would never accept it from me in person. And, to be sure, you have some positive qualities I did not account for in my previous correspondence (ha, as if we were actually corresponding): determination, optimism, and now a newfound willingness to put in the effort required for magic.

Perhaps you'll make something of yourself after all. Wouldn't that be a sight to see.

Sincerely,

_Diana Cavendish_

* * *

Dear Akko Kagari,

I still don't understand you.

You insult me, you call me an aristocrat and show no deference to any sort of tradition, and yet... you keep unlocking the power of the Claimh Solais, even as I make no progress with my own project to revive magic.

How can you be so foolish, and yet so successful?

What would it be like, just for a moment, to be you?

Sincerely,

_Diana Cavendish_

* * *

Dear Akko,

I didn't see the point in writing one of these letters before departing for Cavendish Manor. But here and now, after you've brought me back to my school, I find myself torn: feeling as if I must thank you, but not being at all sure what to say.

I was certain you hated me. How could you be the one who fought hardest to keep me in my ideal place? The one to risk her life for mine?

These feelings are... difficult for me to classify. But for now, at least, I am honored to share the power of the Claimh Solais—oh, who am I kidding, the _Shiny Rod—_ with you. And I'm grateful to be back at Luna Nova, all thanks to you.

Perhaps one day I'll be able to share this in person, but for now....

Yours truly,

_Diana_

* * *

Akko,

If you leave Luna Nova now, after everything we've been through, I'll

I don't know what I'll do

_Diana_

* * *

My dear Akko,

We revived magic together. We unlocked the Grand Triskelion and saved the world. And yet, after all we've been through, I try to tell you how I feel and the words die on my tongue.

The truth is... ~~I am consumed with passion for you~~

~~My heart beats only for you~~

~~The thought of spending a day apart from you~~

No fancy words.

I love you, Akko.

But I don't believe I can tell you, and I doubt you would even care—I've been horrible to you before, after all, and I marvel at our friendship even now. I'd rather not spoil that, if possible. So I'm afraid I must dispose of these letters, lest they should somehow reveal this secret.

I apologize for my cowardice. You deserve better.

Yours, now and forever,

_Diana Cavendish_

* * *

Akko finished reading. The opened letters were in a pile beside her. The fire, without any fuel thrown in, had long since burned out, leaving her kneeling in front of an empty hole.

If she'd been standing up, she was pretty sure she would have fallen over by now, because it felt like the world was shifting beneath her. A million little clues she'd overlooked, a million little blushes she'd ignored were sliding into place—

Hang on. If _Akko_ was reading _Diana's_ letters, then that meant—

Akko slapped her hands to her cheeks, and screamed and screamed and screamed.


	14. The NEW Last Letter

Akko ran all over the castle, shouting Diana's name over and over again, holding the letters all scrunched up in one fist. When she ran out of breath, she panted with her hands on her knees, only to start running again as soon as she could. But Diana was nowhere to be found.

Finally, accepting defeat, Akko trudged back to her dorm room—

“Oh, hello again, Akko.”

—only to recoil at the sight of Diana standing right in front of it. “Diana!” she yelped.

“Yes, that is me.” Diana held out the stack of envelopes, the ones with _Diana_ on the front. “I believe you dropped—”

“ _I_ _'m so sorry!_ ”

Akko ran in, ignoring the letters, and grabbed Diana in a hug. “Beg your pardon?” Diana said.

“ _I'm sorry I thought you were pretentious, and said your hair was stupid, and called you neoliberal scum! I didn't know you that well back then, please don't hate meeeeeeee_ ,” she bawled.

“Akko. _Akko._ ” After a few seconds of struggling, Diana was able to push Akko off her. “What, exactly, are you talking about?”

Akko blinked, wiped her eyes, stared at Diana. “I, I just said such terrible things in all those letters....” She trailed off and looked down at the stack of envelopes in Diana's hand. They were unopened. “You... didn't read them,” Akko said, the color draining from her face.

“Well, of course not. I assumed they were private.”

“But they had _your name_ on them, how did you not read them?”

Diana didn't answer. Instead, she slowly looked down at Akko's crumpled fistful of envelopes—all clearly torn at the tops. “Akko,” she said slowly, “did you read _my_ letters?”

“Well, uh, I mean....” Akko grinned like a caged animal. “They were addressed to me?”

Diana stared at her, motionless except for the redness gathering in her cheeks. Then, always the picture of grace, she turned around and _ran like hell with her face in her hands._

“Diana!” Akko yelped, but she was gone.

And she still hadn't let go of Akko's letters.

* * *

Diana wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

Scratch that. Diana wanted to use her magic to excavate the deepest hole in the world, then crawl into _that_ , and then use her magic again to bury herself at the bottom. Perhaps _that_ might assuage some of her _abject mortification._

She slumped onto her bed, from which she would hopefully not have to move until judgment day... but she couldn't help but notice that she was still holding a large amount of letters in her hand. Letters bearing her name, from Akko, that Akko had expected her to read.

With a frown, Diana summoned a letter opener from her desk, slit the first letter's top, and read.

It was not a lot of words to read, and Diana was a quick reader. It still took her half an hour, maybe more, to put the last letter down—she'd spent so much time pausing, and rereading, and not believing her eyes. The idea that Akko might feel for her some _semblance_ of Diana's own sentiment—

Muffled footsteps, a shadow beneath the door, and a knock. Seven knocks, actually: _Shave and a haircut, two bits_. “Who is it?” Diana asked, already knowing the answer.

There was no response for a few seconds, but the shadow shifted uneasily from left to right. Finally: “You read them this time, right?”

Diana sighed as she sat up in bed. “Yes.”

“Okay.”

“Akko—”

“Before you say anything,” Akko said, “I... think you missed one.” A letter poked underneath her door, sliding on the carpet. “Read this first, okay?”

Diana squinted, getting to her feet and crossing the room. The envelope had _Diana_ on the front like all the rest, but the ink was still wet, and smeared from its journey beneath the door. And when she slit the top and pulled out the letter inside, the words were written in a hasty, barely legible scrawl.

* * *

Diana,

(It's so weird to write a letter that someone's actually supposed to _read_ , for once!)

I am so so so so so so so so so so so

so so so so so

so so _so sorry_ you read all that

And I am _so happy_ you did because I don't know how I was gonna say it if you hadn't. And now I'm really _really_ hoping that I didn't misread your letters. That you feel the same way.

I love you, Diana. I wanna be girlfriends.

So

Wanna go on a date? I know this really good falafel place in Glastonbury and I don't think you've ever had falafel and it would be really tasty, but it doesn't have to be falafel if you don't want it, if you've got a better idea we can do that!

But I really wanna go on a date with you, and maybe smooch. And stroke your hair. (I was totally lying in those other letters, by the way. Your hair is _ridiculously_ cool and I've always thought so.)

How about it?

Yours,

_Akko_

* * *

Diana dropped the letter, dropped the letter opener, and flung the door inward.

Akko was standing on the other side: tears in her eyes, a smile on her face, and a bouquet of green leaves and white flowers in her clasped hands. “So,” Akko said, her voice trembling a little even as she was clearly trying to stay steady, “would you be okay with dating an almighty nuisance?”

Diana sniffed with laughter, a smile coming onto her face. “Only if you're all right with dating pretentious aristocratic scum.”

Akko sucked in a little sob of a breath. Then she flung the flowers aside and flung herself into a hug, and Diana hugged her back as tightly as she could. “I love you so much!” Akko cried.

“I love you too,” Diana said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A birthday present for my good friend Valkyrie_exe! Happy birthday, Valk!


End file.
